Trading Flesh for Flesh

I was walking through a store the other day and saw a CD that reminded me of an old boyfriend. For a split second, I thought about buying it and getting back into that style of music - maybe if he ever found out I was still into it, he'd think I was cool. What?!?!? I quickly snapped out of the Jr. High type of ridiculous thinking, feeling embarrassed and thanked the Lord (AGAIN) that our thoughts are private! As if I still liked him, as if he would know I listened to it, as if it would make a difference, as if I cared whether or not he likes me anymore.

But it got me to thinking about how easily we/I change for others. Maybe if I like the same things this guy that I want to date likes, or this girl that I want to be friends with likes, he/she will like me back. Or, if I look/act like this other person that he likes, he'll like me too. I've bought clothes that weren't "me", had hairstyles, makeup, bought music, watched movies, etc. all to try to attract others to me. It's like I'm trading my flesh for someone else's - trading who I am to be someone else.

But why? Where does this innate desire come from? As a Christian, the answer was obvious. My Creator. We are meant to exchange our flesh for His. We are to look like Him, to be a reflection, to give our desires and allow Him to give us His.

Which makes me think that this is a huge desire that we all have - to trade ourselves for someone else. It can be very subtle and many times, we may be completely oblivious. But as I think about this more and more, I realize that I do this everyday. I wear clothes that I'm not too fond of so that I can play an acceptable role for those I work for. I develop a taste for certain music, movies, sports, etc. so that I can fit in better with those around me. Of course, there are other factors involved in these decisions - acceptance, respect, expectations, etc.

It seems to reason though, that if I only trade myself, my flesh, in for the Lord's, I will be who I was truly created to be - not a copy of someone else. As long as I keep trading my flesh for someone else's, I won't be satisfied. I've tried being other people, I've tried being myself - neither brought satisfaction. But in those times when I'm living for Him, thinking about Him, doing things that attract Him, etc., I have true peace.

Just one more area that I'm realizing I've screwed up royaly in my entire life. Another way I put others and myself before Him. No wonder I struggled with self loathing for so long - there is nothing redeeming in my flesh or the flesh of others.