I have been focusing my blog efforts on my other blog www.bransnmongolia.blogspot.com but recently was looking through this one. The last line of my last blog goes like this:
"Other trials have left me feeling rejected, isolated, ill-equipped and exhausted. All of them have pointed out weaknesses that needed to be turned over to the Lord, faith that needed to be strengthened, visions that needed to be focused, hindrances that needed to be thrown off, and so on. All this and I haven't even stepped on a plane yet. "
These trials did not end once I stepped on that plane! I was reading through a journal that I've kept since I moved here the other day and these trials only got bigger! Not only was I being tested emotionally and spiritually but physically as well. For example, I wrote about the blisters on my feet from walking so much and the many, many times when I would be walking behind my teammates, trying to keep up but my blisters and my out of shape body had me in pain and gasping for breath. I wanted to cry many times but didn't have the energy! It was always a mile further, a few more flights of stairs, another hour more than I had the strength for. I came to my end physically, emotionally and spiritually just about everyday - then add the mental exercise of trying to learn a completely foreign language. There were other difficult things such as missing one of my best friends wedding, the birth of my first nephew, the death of my first dog, family members who were going through major health problems, friends who are now battling cancer, holidays, birthdays, and the list goes on and on.
However, these things pale in comparison to what He has taught me. Each time I reached the end of me, He was there to give me the strength I needed to finish, teammates who didn't mind at all that I was slowing us down, blisters that healed and left nice callouses, weight loss, friends who supported me, Skype to see my brand new nephew in the hospital shortly after he was born, comfort, email and the internet so I can keep up with sick friends and family. And on top of all these things, He still gave me the honor of speaking His name in a dark place, sharing His Good News with people who've never heard it before, letting me work the fields in a country that just barely knows His name. I'm speechless and overwhelmed at this thought!!
I've often asked the same question of Him over and over again: who am I?? Who am I that You would let my voice be the one You use to speak Your Name here? Who am I that You would let me be the one to tell these people about what You did for them? Who am I that You would place me in these students lives to be some sort of reflection of You? Who am I that You would keep Your promise to me? The answer of course is I am no one. He kept His promise not because of who I am but who He is. Yes, I am a daughter of the Most High and am covered in His Son's righteousness but He has placed me here to do these things not because of my talents, strengths, willingness to go, but because this is His plan and His plans don't fail.
